six. How Far Can I go?

These five days went by faster than I would have liked them to. Of course when you have something good it likes to breeze right past you so you only have enough time to inhale and exhale, but never enough time to take it and enjoy it for what it actually is. Today went by the fastest, all I remember was waking up in a hurry so we could get a table for pancakes, then wiping away her goddamn tears after we forced food down because we both knew they wouldn't serve any food on the plane. Now we are forced to resort to video chats, text messages, and five am phone calls before I go to work until I get to see her again. I'm trying hard to keep my head above water lately, not only with Kassi, but with my entire existence in general. My job is a joke there is no question about it, but I know damn well that I didn't work as hard as I did for five years and drive myself crazy to earn my degree to waste whatever talent I may have in a super market. I refuse. 

Today I made the promise to myself that by the middle to the end of the month of june I will be out of that wretched hole some people happily call their career, and using my brain and ingenuity towards something productive within my field.

It Isn't all negativity with me, I would like to currently extend my appreciation to the existence of the following people.

Brad Joseph Glazer-Swift: 

we are going to be friends for six years once July rolls around. He is still the most loyal friend that I have, and will always stick by me no matter the situation. Although we disagree on petty shit, like musical tastes, it's all love and couldn't ask for a better best friend.

Brendan Silas Perry: Relaxed, collected, calm, funny, talented, and just as depressed, pissed, heartbroken and just as fucked in the head as the rest of us. An excellent guitar player, and an even better band mate, I'm glad we have gotten as close as we are, a big heart with a lot to offer to someone. Backed

Mark Luckasavage: I have known mark the longest out of any of the other members of my band. The first thing that I can say about him is that his talent has grown in exponential amounts. Over the past 2 or so years he has become more focused, experimental, and tighter as a drummer. His abilities as a friend and band mate only mirror his drumming. Good dude, catches a lot of unnecessary shit, but never flinches or falters, continues to roll with the punches , with a goofy smile on his face. One of my best.

Kwame Korkor: Out of the three, I have known Kwame the least amount of time and when I think about it it just bums me out. Kwame is intelligent, a brilliant fucking bass player, pissed off, forthright, honest, and is never ever afraid to tell it how it is and/or call you out on your shit. A good person all around and I am honored to call him a friend and tighten the already strong bond we have created.

You already know how stoked I am on Kassi Ostrander. I hope that we figure this mess we have thrown ourselves into soon, because this is what will probably drive me off the deep end. She is wonderful and came around at a pretty good time. I just hope that it lasts, or at least turns out the way we both are hoping it turns out.

Other than that, my patience is nearly out, and I am worn the thinnest I have ever been. So frustrated and free of mild temperament the smallest most insignificant details irritate me the most. I hate it. 

I'm still searching and still coming up empty handed. I'm not looking for someone to throw me a life raft I can make my own way, no one is going to help me but myself. It's time I took rightful ownership of my life. Even if I am still frustrated and angry, I'll at least know where I stand in the world