25 years old and still fucking void of direction. Time can change people drastically usually for the better. You can become more focused, positive, older and wiser. If there is one thing I'm sure of the years have only made me angrier, and more anxious. I'm older yes, and in some aspects wiser but I don't have a clue. I sit in my kitchen on my days off with a never ending pot of tea waiting for something to happen . Something beyond myself, something that to someone somewhere actually means something. I'm not going to get into a lengthy diatribe about how you can't just sit around and wait, you need to make your own destiny blah blah blah. I am fully aware of that. Painfully aware in fact. It's often quite debilitating when you know what to do and just can't gather the sand to do so. I'm so tired of complaining and writing these monotonous blogs I'm sick or re-reading them and if anyone reads this they're probably sick of it too.
My life hasn't been much of anything lately. The band is still playing shows and I still hate my job. I stay in the back for most of my shift now, I punch in, give a quick hello, get my tea, and punch out. Everyone used to be so nice and accepting. Watching from a distance you notice that everyone I work with is fucking cliquey and juvenile. They're nice to me when they need something and give me the cold shoulder when they feel like it. How hard is it to find a job where you actually like spending the bulk of your day with people you work with? It's so mundane and I always end up having to pick up the slack, I'm simply not there anymore.
if i didn't come home? the end of a big fight doesn't matter anymore at that point in my midlife the situation stands but hours pass like years wish you were here wish you were here did I open an old wound? is there something I should know? is it's all ending so soon how could we possibly let go? comes to a head, this is high noon the finale we had planned but hours pass like years wish you were here say the words so slow say it without fear you won't turn to go you won't leave me here and if the past is all we know my memories are clear wish you were here if I told you, were you listening? did you know this from the start? do the dates match exactly? did you plan when we would part? if I won't wait for another year I guess you'll break my heart it's true you already knew so take this as a souvenir remember me, I'm waiting here the disappointed, hanger on who stayed behind while you moved on wish you were here"