Thursday, April 29, 2010

68. I'm sorry my mistake.

It was a long day, I spent 13 hours out of the house. Eleven in a dingy disgusting kitchen, making food that I despised, with people that I hated. The only respite serving me was that in eight short days I would be free from the shackles of neurotic penny pinchers and arrogant "drop outs". My time was coming up, and I couldn't keep the smile from my lips.  The time came after I was done scrubbing the shame from the stainless steel surfaces, "I don't need you anymore" you said in your signature snark. " Some things never do change", I muttered. Snapping right back at me with some disgusting little quip, you were called "fucking ridiculous" and I got my shit and walked out. Wondering all the while how bad you planned on screwing me on my paycheck. I know you will. 
Eight years of sometimes unbelievable treatment came to an end on monday, and something still didn't seem right despite my new found freedom. A Strange air surrounded me for the bulk of the day, mostly transforming itself into catatonia and dead pan stares. I worked out, I didn't eat, I went home. Just like any other day.
Then you called, asking to come over I could smell the desperation on the receiver. Begrudgingly, I obliged the request, you push your issues way too hard. I needed to wash the day off me. You, in a rare show of rudeness decided to 'just let yourself in'. Strike one. You were playing with my dogs, strike two.  I passed out on the couch. you undressed and went to bed.  you kissed me good night and I could taste the menthol and orbit gum concoction you decided to greet me with. Disgusted,  I turned over and faced my record shelf, declaring that today is the day where I'm better off completely alone.
You weren't the one that ruined me, you're just catching the tail end of a life of rejection and people saying goodbye.

I'm rolling up the doormat, and wheeling out the bricks and mortar.

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