Thursday, April 30, 2009

thirty one: well here I am, don't know how to say this.

Continents are shifting within my body, mind and soul. I have been going through emotional stress and trauma for the last two months or so up until 2 weeks ago, when I left for the Coachella Festival with Kassi. First let me preface by saying I had an entry lined up with all the music that has changed my life and impacted me in one way or another but I let it sit for too long and have no idea what to do with it.

Moving on, times have been rough at 55 bradley. I hate(d) my job a lot and it was having a detrimental effect on how I perceived and treated others especially my girlfriend, and mother. You take it out on the people you love most, right? Kassi and I fought too much for my liking and it made me frustrated. piled on top of the fact that she was and has been extremely homesick and frequently expressed interest in moving back home after school. This terrified me. It was something neither of us had to deal with before, and we didn't think of the consequences, The "OK now what?".  Life was killing us, our schedules were killing us, and the only thing we had to blame was us.

Then we went to Coachella. Must have been the air, or the tailwind that got us there an hour early, or the cookie sandwich and burrito gutbombs we inhaled. Maybe it was the look of comfort and happiness on her face when she got that terrible awful polluted air in her lungs, but I'll be damned if that wasn't a look I would punch a kitten to see every day. In between coughing and wheezing, I stole glances and snuck the most peeks, but she looked so happy. Even if I was tired and cranky. From that moment the whole weekend was good. Just needed a spark, some kind of catalyst for us to feel like us again. Whatever it was I felt it again. and I'm still feeling it.

Its something I dont want to shake.

I'm ending this here before the whole point of the entry is lost on rambling.

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