41: FUCK 40

we're back

40: Love Letters and Postcards

We were inseparable, the kind of people you couldn't break apart if you tried.

Not with the sharpest of knives, the heaviest of rocks, or the toughest of people.

Undefeated champions of friendship, dedicated to our craft, our misery and each other.

Days passed, months came and went, and its been a bout two years. Nothing physical came between us, just time.

Time happened, and growing older happened. Something no bond can resist.

I want "it" back, whatever it was I miss it and at this point I'll stop at nothing to get it back. All my chips are in, and I haven't folded my cards.

I just hope nobody else did.

39: Live my life for me and for no one else

I want to take this opportunity to express my deep and sincere adoration for what this band was. 

If you never heard Anderson Bradshaw speak in between songs, 

If you never put their records on in your car, your ipod your stereo, if you never went to see them in a live setting. 

Then you'll probably never get just what they meant to me, and not NEARLY enough people that aren't me. 

This band was truly a sight to behold, barring certain member current personal choices they were a band that stood up for what they believed in, 

said what they had to say, and did what they had to do regardless of what anyone had to say about it. 

Their tenure was something truly magical and something that I will not ever forget.

 

I saw a movie tonight and it really struck a chord with me. 

I dont say this about movies too often but there was certain dialogue and scenes that really related

to some of the emotions that I have been feeling. 

A reaction like that is rare and I had to pause for a moment within it just to remember what it was like.

Interesting how something so small and "meaningless" like movie dialogue can be related to something so drastic within you

nodding out.

38: go back to the start

I have never felt so many intricate emotions at once. Never could have imagined anything would hurt this much.

After a year of building solid foundations and replacing broken parts, those pieces just go missing all over again.

I haven't stopped thinking about you

37: Let the pictures do the talking

thirty six: Turn your hymnal to Chapter Matthew, Verse: Skiba

Don't cry, or stop to wonder why, we crashed out like thunder, on the floor or down from the ceiling, it's been nice waking up next to you.

thirty five: set stubborn on standing

This is not getting any easier and I feel like it hasn't even begun.

I hate that I'm going through this.

I hate that I'm writing this for the whole world to see.

I am weighed down, with thousands of miles between us.

I feel like there's more to the story, that there's clues to the answers right in front of my face waiting to be found so I can smile again.

It's so easy to tell that I am not right lately, that I'm not "all there", it's written all over my face and getting so much harder to hide.

I feel like this is all my fault, and if I had just said the things that you wanted to hear, none of this would be happening.

If I wasn't so set in in my routine, if I wasn't so scared you wouldn't be so against me leaving this place for a while.

I need you, for as much as that scares you; I need you.

It scares me too.

This is as plain as I can put it.

 

I wear rubber bands on my wrist instead of tying string around my finger so I don't forget.