twenty eight. Bastards of Young

I like this picture, it makes me feel like I'm trapped in a simpler time, where everything goes my way, I never have to worry, and my hair isn't falling out.

I love my girlfriend very much. She's going to make an excellent pastry chef.

I spent the last two days at kriers house doing things that you cannot know about. However, I can say that I am thoroughly pleased with how things are are turning out, and I am very VERY proud of my support system. I love bradah baker.

I am in an extremely strange mood today, I feel as if this post is reflecting it.

twenty seven. don't depend on hope to get you by

This album is going to change the course of musical history. I have never had more faith in a group of individuals that come together where this is the outcome.

At the risk of being called a name dropper I have known these people for a very long time, I've seen them at their best worst and everything in between. I walked from Penn station to I know how much of themselves they have tirelessly poured into the inception, recording and completion of this record. It has taken what seems like forever and finally on the cusp of being released they're simultaneously breathing nervous sighs of relief. So am I.   I know that we haven't stayed in touch due to schedules getting in the way and the perils of getting older but I have never felt more proud of anyone or anything than I do for Collin, Leif, Chris and Hodge (because yes he recorded the record). I can't wait til this falls like and 800 ton sack of atomic death in to the collective lap of the masses and everyone has to sit back and rethink and relearn everything they thought about insightful music and lyrics.

This is going to change everything, and for that I am honored, humbled and proud. Maybe one day they will see this.

twenty six. Clever Swine

"The Passing of time, and all of its sickening crimes is making me sad again."

twenty five. Different name, same meaning

"I haven't much I can give you in return. Only my heart and I promise not to turn."

Twenty four. old wounds

I used to be a pretty good writer. At least I thought I was alright, When I was really down on myself, and well versed in the arts of self loathing and deprecation I would write endlessly. I would never stop, I would take the time to notate every single nuance and feeling that would pass through my mind but never have the courage to exit my mouth. I would re crate entire scenes in my mind and translate it to the screen. There was a period of time where I thought I could write short stories in my livejournal and convince myself that they were semi- palatable. They were okay but they had no consistency. This is one of the only excerpts from that series that I liked writing and found to be cohesive So I thought I would put it here:

Sep. 9th, 2007 | 02:01 am

He returned home briefly,
in the dead of night when the house was asleep.
Sitting quietly on the porch in his usual spot,
he softly whispered to himself.
"I know I'm unlovable,
you don't have to tell me."
He didn't feel a need to run anymore,
nor did he get the slightest urge to escape.
He just wanted to hide,
for now hiding from everything that troubled him was the best solution.
That is of course until he convinced himself of an even better one,
his mood usually determined the length of time.
Knowing where she always kept a spare key,
for he had disposed of his some time ago.
He let himself in,
it made it easier because she always left the porch light on.
Closing the door behind him he put his small pack down,
message received loud and clear.

This time last year was the shittiest point in my early twenties and some days I'm still reeling from the effects of my self loathing, Isolation, and shitty attitude. I still feel those feelings, and sometimes I don't think I'll ever find a solution. I also still don't know if it's good or detrimental. It's something I suppose I'll be handling for the rest of my days.

Twenty three. safety net

I have been inside for far too many nights, and if I don't leave the house soon I'm afraid I never will. My safety net, my band, my best friends are out doing fun things with each other. I'm the one that is never called because I have work and they figure I'll be too tired. I still wish I would have the option to say no or yes.

My ability to feel young and care free is dwindling with each minute and I just feel that in order for me to keep what shed of mental stability I have left  I need to hang out with them on some kind of daily basis.  I feel like I'm losing touch, and turning into something obsolete as far as friendship goes. Someone they don't need or want around and I don't want to become anything that closely resembles that description.

If that happens then I have nothing, and although I may act like like I want nothing it's simply not true. I want and need that safety net they so excellently provide for me and my stupid brain

twenty two. rack em up rack em up

I will never get tired of this movie