48. Only pretty sure that I can't take anymore

I still hang on every word,

every smile.

Every kiss goodnight,

every time I heard the door open.

Every Time I had to wake up to "Armageddon",

every fucking cheeseburger.

I'm here, I'm listening,

47. i wanna go back...

this video just killed me

46.

I realize that most days I'm better off not talking to anyone. It proves itself to be less trouble that way.

45. still here, sincere

25 years old and still fucking void of direction. Time can change people drastically usually for the better. You can become more focused, positive, older and wiser. If there is one thing I'm sure of the years have only made me angrier, and more anxious. I'm older yes, and in some aspects wiser but I don't have a clue. I sit in my kitchen on my days off with a never ending pot of tea waiting for something to happen . Something beyond myself, something that to someone somewhere actually means something. I'm not going to get into a lengthy diatribe about how you can't just sit around and wait, you need to make your own destiny blah blah blah. I am fully aware of that. Painfully aware in fact. It's often quite debilitating when you know what to do and just can't gather the sand to do so. I'm so tired of complaining and writing these monotonous blogs I'm sick or re-reading them and if anyone reads this they're probably sick of it too.

My life hasn't been much of anything lately. The band is still playing shows and I still hate my job. I stay in the back for most of my shift now, I punch in, give a quick hello, get my tea, and punch out. Everyone used to be so nice and accepting. Watching from a distance you notice that everyone I work with is fucking cliquey and juvenile. They're nice to me when they need something and give me the cold shoulder when they feel like it. How hard is it to find a job where you actually like spending the bulk of your day with people you work with? It's so mundane and I always end up having to pick up the slack, I'm simply not there anymore.

Stay tuned

44.

Irving Plaza New York City October 31 2009.

We're off to see the Wizard....

Holiday

Action & Action

Valentine

Red Letter Day

Out of Reach

Ten Minutes

The Company Dime

My Apology

I'm A loner Dottie, A Rebel

Long Goodnight

Close To Home 

I'll Catch You

...The Wonderful Wizard of Oz...

Man Of Conviction

Coming Clean

One You Want

Off The Wagon

No Love

Campfire Kansas

Mass Pike

Keith Case...

"Would you stay for one night?

if i didn't come home?
the end of a big fight
doesn't matter anymore
at that point in my midlife
the situation stands
but hours pass like years
wish you were here 
wish you were here 
did I open an old wound?
is there something I should know?
is it's all ending so soon
how could we possibly let go?
comes to a head, this is high noon
the finale we had planned
but hours pass like years
wish you were here 
say the words so slow
say it without fear
you won't turn to go
you won't leave me here
and if the past is all we know
my memories are clear
wish you were here 
if I told you, were you listening?
did you know this from the start?
do the dates match exactly?
did you plan when we would part?
if I won't wait for another year
I guess you'll break my heart
it's true 
you already knew 
so take this as a souvenir
remember me, I'm waiting here
the disappointed, hanger on
who stayed behind while you moved on
wish you were here"